Cognitive changes in an aging parent or loved one can be unsettling, and bringing up concerns with their doctor can feel overwhelming. Whether you’ve noticed memory lapses, confusion, or changes in judgment, effective communication with a healthcare provider is key to getting the right support and care.
Recognizing the Signs of Cognitive Decline
Before scheduling an appointment, it’s helpful to document specific changes you’ve observed. Some common early signs of cognitive impairment include:
- Memory loss that disrupts daily life (forgetting recent events, repeating questions)
- Difficulty with familiar tasks (struggling to follow a recipe or manage bills)
- Confusion about time or place (getting lost in familiar areas)
- Changes in mood or personality (increased irritability, withdrawal from activities)
- Poor judgment or decision-making (uncharacteristic financial mistakes)
How to Prepare for the Doctor’s Appointment
Being prepared will help ensure the conversation is productive and focused. Here are steps to take before the visit:
Write down observations – Keep a log of specific incidents, including when they happened and how they affected daily life.
Gather medical history – Note any existing conditions, medications, or family history of dementia.
Talk with other family members – See if others have noticed changes as well.
Consider how your loved one may react – Some older adults may be defensive or unaware of their cognitive changes. Approach the conversation with sensitivity.
Tips for Talking to the Doctor
Once you’re in the appointment, here’s how to effectively communicate your concerns:
Be direct but respectful – Frame the conversation around specific behaviors rather than vague concerns. Example:
• Instead of: “Mom seems off lately.”
• Say: “Mom has been forgetting appointments, getting lost while driving, and struggling to pay her bills, which is unusual for her.”
Use concrete examples – Doctors rely on clear details to assess cognitive function. Share a few key observations rather than general worries.
Discuss safety concerns – If there are issues like getting lost, leaving the stove on, or mishandling medications, highlight them.
Ask about next steps – Request a cognitive screening or further evaluation if necessary.
Questions to ask include:
- What tests can help determine the cause of these changes?
- Could there be an acute illness causing these symptoms?
- Could medications or other conditions be affecting cognition?
- Is there a specialist he/she could see to further evaluate cognitive changes?
When Your Loved One Resists the Conversation
Many older adults may dismiss concerns about their memory or insist nothing is wrong. If this happens:
- Frame it as a routine check-up – Say it’s part of an annual wellness exam.
- Consider communicating with medical assistant or nurse prior to visit to prepare doctor who can raise questions/concerns about cognition (and you have communicated specific concerns about his/her cognition ahead of time).
- Emphasize your desire to ensure they stay independent and safe.
- Ask the doctor for support – A trusted physician may be able to ease concerns in a non-threatening way.
What Happens Next?
Depending on the doctor’s assessment, next steps may include:
- A cognitive screening (such as the MoCA or MMSE)
- Referral to a neurologist or specialist
- Blood tests or imaging to rule out other causes
- Lifestyle recommendations to support brain health
How Peace of Mind Aging Consulting Can Help
If you’re unsure how to navigate these conversations, Peace of Mind Aging Consulting provides guidance, resources, and personalized support for families facing cognitive concerns in a loved one. We can help you:
Prepare for medical appointments
Navigate care options if dementia is diagnosed
Connect with local support services including dementia-focused support groups and community programs
Contact us today to learn how we can help you support your loved one while maintaining peace of mind.
